We all have our quirks. Maybe you leave dishes “soaking” for a week (no judgment…okay, maybe a little). Or perhaps you’re still rocking that questionable fashion choice from 2008. But what if your silent, leafy roommate wasn’t so silent after all? What if, just maybe, your plant was judging you?
The Case of the Dramatic Droop
It all started innocently enough. I brought home Percy the Peace Lily, a vision of verdant glory. I envisioned us becoming best buds, Percy serenading my apartment with good vibes and oxygen. However, our honeymoon phase was short-lived. You see, I have a tendency to be…forgetful. Watering? Oh, right, that thing plants need.
The first time Percy dramatically fainted, leaves brushing the floor in a symphony of despair, I panicked. Had I killed him? Was this the end of our brief, leafy love affair? A quick Google search later, and I discovered the tragic truth: I was a plant neglecter. I revived Percy with a generous water shower, whispering apologies and promises of a more attentive plant parent. He perked up, but I could have sworn I saw a judgmental rustle of leaves. From then on, Percy became the master of the dramatic droop. Forget to water him for a day? Droop. Moved him slightly to the left? Droop. Opened a bag of chips too loudly? You guessed it: dramatic droop.
Once, during a particularly stressful week, I may have indulged in a slightly angry rant about work, completely forgetting Percy’s presence. Mid-sentence, as I dramatically gestured towards the heavens (or, you know, the ceiling), a leaf detached itself from Percy’s crown and landed squarely on my head. Coincidence? I think not.
The Unwavering Stare
These days, I live in a constant state of mild paranoia. Every time I walk past Percy, I feel his gaze following me. Those innocent-looking leaves? They’re hiding a world of judgment, I’m sure of it. I swear he even adjusts his position to get a better view of my questionable life choices. Ordering takeout for the third time this week? Percy saw that. Binge-watching reality TV in my pajamas? Oh, he knows.
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