The Side-Eye Struggle is Real
I swear, it started with a side-eye. You know, that subtle tilt of the leaves that seems to say, “Really? You’re watering me with that?” My previously perky peace lily, now christened Professor Percival P. Plant (don’t ask), has taken to observing my every move with the judgmental air of a disappointed schoolmarm. And honestly, I’m starting to think it’s all my fault.
It all began with a moment of weakness. Okay, maybe it was more like a Tuesday. I was having a particularly rough morning – hair resembling a bird’s nest, mismatched slippers, the whole shebang. As I scarfed down a slightly stale croissant (don’t judge!), a few errant crumbs tumbled onto Percival‘s pristine pot. Did I pick them up? Reader, I did not. I told myself I’d get it later.
Big mistake. Later that day, I could have sworn Percival‘s leaves drooped even lower. The once vibrant green seemed dull, almost accusatory. Was it my imagination, or did I detect a faint whiff of judgment mixed with stale pastry? I quickly cleaned up the crumbs, muttering apologies, but the damage was done. Percival and I haven’t been the same since.
The Great Fertilizer Fiasco: My Houseplant Almost Didn’t Survive
If the croissant incident was the spark, the fertilizer fiasco was the full-blown inferno of judgment. Convinced I could win back Percival’s favor, I decided to treat it to some high-end plant food. I’m talking organic, sustainably sourced, infused-with-the-tears-of-a-thousand-angels kind of fertilizer.
I followed the instructions to the letter – or so I thought. Turns out, I might have confused teaspoons with tablespoons. In my defense, the numbers on the measuring spoons were practically microscopic! Anyway, one whiff of the potent concoction and I knew I’d messed up. Percival, bless its leafy heart, didn’t stand a chance.
The following days were a blur of frantic googling (“can you over-fertilize a peace lily?”), emergency repotting, and whispered apologies. Percival eventually recovered (thank goodness!), but I’m pretty sure it now flinches whenever I pick up the watering can.
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