Is My Houseplant Secretly Judging Me? (The Evidence Is Compelling)
We all have them, those little moments of self-doubt. But lately, mine have been amplified by a pair of suspicious, glossy leaves and a stem that seems to shift ever so slightly when I walk by. Yes, I’m talking about my houseplant, Herbert (don’t judge, he looks like a Herbert).
The Case of the Dramatic Droop
It all started subtly. I’d forget to water Herbert for a few days (okay, maybe a week), and he’d reward me with a dramatic wilting performance worthy of a Victorian fainting couch. But lately, the drooping has become more…pointed. Like, “Are you seriously going to make me thirsty again? I thought we were past this.”
The Curious Case of the Overnight Growth Spurt
Here’s where things get truly bizarre. Herbert, for months, had been perfectly content with his modest existence on the bookshelf. Then, I had a particularly rough day. You know the kind: spilled coffee on my favorite shirt, missed the bus, accidentally liked my ex’s new girlfriend’s post from three years ago. As I’m wallowing in self-pity, I notice something peculiar. Herbert. Is. HUGE.
Overnight, he’d sprouted a new leaf, vibrant and green, reaching towards the ceiling. It was almost…triumphant. Had he been holding back all this time, just waiting for the moment I was at my lowest to unleash his botanical dominance? Is this his way of saying, “See, at least someone in this house has their life together”?
Leave a Reply