Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
The Side-Eye Started on Day One
Let’s be real, we’ve all been there. You bring home a beautiful new houseplant, all vibrant green and full of life. You give it a prime spot by the window, whisper words of encouragement (don’t judge), and dream of the lush oasis it will become. But then… it happens. You catch it. That subtle, yet unmistakable side-eye. The one that seems to say, “Really? This is the best you could do?”
That’s how it all started with Phil, my majestic (and apparently judgmental) Monstera Deliciosa. From the moment I brought him home, I could sense a certain… disapproval emanating from his leafy appendages. Maybe it was the chipped pot I’d temporarily placed him in. Or perhaps he’d overheard me humming off-key while watering him (okay, it was definitely off-key). Whatever the reason, I was convinced Phil was judging my every move.
At first, I panicked. Was he getting enough light? Did I overwater? Was it something I said?! Then, it hit me. The strategic droop. A calculated maneuver designed to induce guilt and ensure my swift return to plant-parent duties. Clever girl… I mean, plant.
Exhibit B: The Curious Case of the Growth Spurt
Here’s where things get really interesting. A few weeks ago, I was having a particularly stressful day. Deadlines loomed, my inbox resembled a black hole, and I may or may not have stress-eaten an entire bag of chips (don’t judge, Phil!). Feeling defeated, I slumped onto the couch, muttering to myself about the unfairness of it all. That’s when I noticed it.
Phil had sprouted a new leaf. A big, beautiful, vibrant green leaf. It was as if he was saying, “Get a grip, human. I’ve seen worse.” Or maybe, “See, this is what happens when you finally clean this dusty living room.” Either way, the timing was suspect. Coincidence? I think not.
Leave a Reply