Let’s be honest, folks. There are two types of people in this world: those who leap out of bed at the crack of dawn, practically bouncing off the walls with energy, and those of us who need industrial-strength coffee just to acknowledge the sunrise.
Guess which category I fall into?
The Great 5 AM Experiment
It all started innocently enough. I was reading an article about the numerous benefits of waking up early. Increased productivity, enhanced creativity, a newfound zest for life – you name it, being a morning person apparently unlocked it.
Operation: Sunshine and Green Smoothies
My transformation began with the purchase of a terrifyingly cheerful alarm clock, the kind that simulates a sunrise and chirps happy bird songs. Next, I invested in a blender (clearly, my morning self was going to be a health nut) and stocked up on leafy greens that I couldn’t even pronounce, let alone stomach at 7 am.
The first few days were…rough. My new alarm clock and I developed a love-hate relationship (mostly hate on my part). My attempts at making green smoothies were disastrous, resulting in concoctions that tasted suspiciously like lawn clippings. And my productivity levels? Let’s just say I spent a lot of time staring blankly at my computer screen, wondering if it was socially acceptable to eat leftover pizza for breakfast.
The Great Sleep-Deprived Meltdown of 2023
My grand experiment in early rising reached its peak (or should I say, its rock bottom?) during a particularly important work meeting. I’d dragged myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 5 am, forced down a green smoothie that could have stripped paint, and even managed to be somewhat coherent during the first half of the meeting.
Then it hit.
The overwhelming urge to sleep. My eyelids felt like lead curtains. My brain turned into a fuzzy, incoherent mess. And in a moment of sleep-deprived insanity, I’m pretty sure I started speaking gibberish.
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