The Unspoken Rules of Being a Plant Parent

The Unspoken Rules of Being a Plant Parent

My Descent into Plant Parenthood (and Mild Panic)

It all started innocently enough. A cute little succulent here, a vibrant peace lily there. “They’re low-maintenance,” they said. “They’ll brighten up your space,” they said. Little did I know, I was stepping into a world of unspoken rules, dramatic leaf drops, and whispered conversations with beings who, frankly, played their cards pretty close to their chests (or should I say, pots?).

My first brush with the unspoken rules came courtesy of Gary, a previously perky peace lily who decided to stage a dramatic wilting act. Was he thirsty? Too much sun? Did I forget to sing him his daily affirmation song? (Don’t judge, you haven’t seen Gary on a good day.)

Turns out, Gary was just being Gary. A little dramatic, a tad needy, but ultimately, a thriving member of our little green family. And so began my crash course in the unspoken rules of plant parenthood.

Rule #1: Thou Shalt Master the Art of the Side-Eye

Plant parents, you know what I’m talking about. That look you give your leafy companions when they’re being particularly finicky. It’s a delicate dance of concern, affection, and a hint of “Don’t you dare pull that wilting stunt again, Brenda.”

The side-eye is a versatile tool. It can convey encouragement (“You got this, little buddy!”), gentle chastisement (“Seriously, Philodendron, we talked about the whole climbing-the-curtains thing”), and even a touch of desperation (“Please, just tell me what you need!”).

Rule #2: The Internet is Your Frenemy

Ah, the internet. A vast repository of plant care advice, where every forum post is a potential lifesaver and every Instagram photo a source of envy and inadequacy. But beware, dear plant parent, for the internet is a fickle beast.

One minute, you’re basking in the glow of a successful propagation (look at you, plant parent extraordinaire!), the next you’re spiraling down a rabbit hole of obscure fungal diseases and convinced your prized monstera has contracted every single one.

My advice? Take everything with a grain of (fertilizing) salt. Trust your instincts, observe your plants closely, and don’t be afraid to experiment (within reason, of course. We don’t want any plant casualties on our watch!).

Rule #3: Embrace the Glorious Mess

Let’s face it, plant parenthood is messy business. There will be soil spills, leaf litter, and the occasional rogue water droplet that somehow manages to land directly on your white shirt. You will become intimately acquainted with the feeling of damp knees from repotting sessions and learn to view spiderwebs as an integral part of your decor (hey, at least the spiders are helping with those pesky fungus gnats, right?).

But here’s the thing: it’s a beautiful, life-affirming mess. It’s a testament to your dedication, your nurturing spirit, and your ability to keep another living thing alive (most of the time, anyway). So embrace the chaos, my friend. It’s all part of the plant parent journey.

The Green Thumb Grows On You

Being a plant parent is a journey of discovery, filled with both triumphs and tribulations. It’s about learning to appreciate the small victories, like a new leaf unfurling or a stubborn cutting finally taking root. It’s about accepting that sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don’t always go as planned. And it’s about the unwavering love and dedication we pour into our leafy companions, unspoken rules and all.

So tell me, fellow plant parents, what unspoken rules have you discovered on your own green adventures?