Why I’m Convinced My Plant is Secretly Judging Me



Why I’m Convinced My Plant Is Secretly Judging Me

We all know that plants breathe life into a room, but have you ever considered they might be silently judging yours? I didn’t, until I lived with Herbert.

Does My ZZ Plant Give Side-Eye?

It all started innocently. I brought Herbert, a charming little ZZ plant, home from the garden center, picturing us becoming the best of leafy friends. I envisioned peaceful mornings sipping coffee while he basked in the sun, radiating zen vibes. And for a while, it was pure plant-parent bliss.

Herbert‘s gaze. Or rather, what I swear was a gaze. His usually perky leaves seemed to droop ever so slightly, and I could have sworn he was leaning away from me, as if my bad mood was contagious. Okay, maybe I was projecting, but the seed of doubt was sown.

Is My Plant Judging My Life Choices?

Over the next few weeks, I started noticing a pattern. Every time I indulged in questionable life choices—like surviving on instant ramen for three days straight or attempting (and failing) to assemble furniture—Herbert’s leaves would wilt just a tad. Was he disappointed? Judging my questionable coping mechanisms? The evidence was stacking up.

My friends, all seasoned plant owners themselves, scoffed at my theory. “Plants don’t judge,” they’d say, “They’re just plants!” But I knew better. I’d catch him subtly shifting his leaves when my dating app profile popped up on screen. Was he judging my taste in potential partners? I wouldn’t put it past him.

The Ultimate Test: Forgetting to Water My ZZ Plant

The final straw, the piece de resistance of Herbert’s silent judgment, came during a particularly chaotic week. I, in my sleep-deprived state, completely forgot to water him. For a whole week. Now, ZZ plants are known for their resilience, their ability to withstand drought like a champ. But even champions have their limits.

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