Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
From Green Thumb to Feeling Green with Envy
Okay, hear me out. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear my houseplant, a majestic (or should I say, judgmental) ZZ plant named Zephyr, is constantly throwing shade my way. It all started innocently enough. I, like many during the dark days of quarantine sourdough-baking, decided to become a plant parent. I envisioned a home overflowing with lush greenery, a testament to my nurturing spirit. I’d be a regular plant whisperer, coaxing life and beauty from the soil with my gentle touch.
Fast forward two years, and let’s just say my journey to plant parenthood hasn’t exactly gone to plan. My first mistake? Naming my ZZ plant. Giving it a name, and subsequently, a personality in my mind, was the catalyst for this whole “my plant is judging me” saga.
Now, I wouldn’t say Zephyr is outwardly rude. He doesn’t, like, rustle his leaves menacingly when I walk by or anything. But it’s the subtle things, the nonverbal cues, that really make me question his loyalty. For example:
- The Dreaded Leaf Drop: Every time I forget to water him for, oh, just a week or two (okay, maybe sometimes three), a single, perfect leaf chooses that exact moment to dramatically detach itself and fall to the floor. It’s a strategic move, really. A subtle yet pointed reminder of my negligence.
- The Shady Lean: I swear, Zephyr strategically positions himself to catch the best sunlight in the room, which just so happens to be directly in front of my television. Coincidence? I think not. It’s like he’s saying, “Another night of Netflix, huh? Some plant parent you are.”