The Side-Eye Was My First Clue
It all started with a feeling. You know that feeling when you’re pretty sure someone’s watching you, but you turn around and there’s no one there? That’s what it’s like living with Herbert (yes, I named my plant, don’t judge me!).
One morning, I was catching up on some, shall we say, “light reading” (celebrity gossip magazines, don’t tell anyone) when I swore I saw Herbert‘s leaves shift. It was subtle, just a slight rustle, but it was enough to send a shiver down my spine. As I glanced up, I could’ve sworn I saw a judgmental droop in his highest leaf. Okay, maybe I was imagining things, but that was just the beginning…
One minute he’s standing tall, leaves reaching for the sun, the very picture of plant vitality. The next? It’s like someone told him about my questionable financial decisions. Leaves drooping, practically dragging on the floor, he screams “I’m so disappointed in you” without uttering a single word.
Exhibit B: The Suspiciously Impeccable Timing
Let’s talk about timing. Have you ever noticed how your houseplant seems to act up at the most inconvenient times? It’s like they know, you know?
Take last week, for example. I had just settled in for a relaxing evening of face masks and bad reality TV (don’t judge!). Just as I was about to indulge in a particularly juicy episode, Herbert chose that exact moment to shed a leaf. Right onto my face mask. Coincidence? I think not.