We’ve all seen them. Those infuriatingly chipper morning people who practically skip out of bed, already buzzing with energy before the sun’s even considered rising. They sip their lemon water, meditate to the sounds of chirping birds (actual chirping birds, not a phone app), and probably have perfectly toned abs. I, my friends, am not one of those people.
The Great Alarm Clock Rebellion of 2023
My journey to the dark side (or should I say, bright side?) started innocently enough. I stumbled across an article extolling the virtues of waking up early: increased productivity, boosted metabolism, the ability to speak to squirrels in fluent chirps – you know, the usual. I was sold. No longer would I be a slave to the snooze button! No more stumbling through my morning routine in a sleep-deprived haze!
Armed with a new sunrise-simulating alarm clock and the best intentions, I set my sights on a glorious 6:00 am wake-up call. The first morning went…about as well as you’d expect. Picture this:
One of the hallmarks of a true morning person, according to the internet, is their love of smoothies. “It’s like a salad, but drinkable!” they’d chirp. So, naturally, I decided to incorporate this crucial element into my routine. Let’s just say that nothing quite prepares you for the soul-crushing experience of attempting to blend kale and spinach at the crack of dawn.