The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Living Room
It all started with a particularly egregious Tuesday. You know the kind—mismatched socks, burnt coffee, the works. As I scrambled to salvage what I could from the chaotic morning, I caught it: a look from Herbert (yes, my Monstera Deliciosa has a name, don’t judge me). It wasn’t an “I need water” look, nor a “more sunlight, please” plea. This, my friends, was a full-blown side-eye, the kind usually reserved for toddlers throwing tantrums in grocery store aisles. It was then I knew: Herbert was judging me.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “She’s lost it, hasn’t she? Gone full plant lady crazy.” But hear me out. The evidence is compelling. For example:
- The Dreaded Dusting Debacle: I swear, Herbert strategically unfurls a new leaf every time I dust. It’s like he’s mocking my inconsistent cleaning habits. “Oh, you’re cleaning now? How… convenient,” he seems to whisper with each rustle of his verdant appendages.
- The Takeout Container Incident: Remember that time I ordered takeout three nights in a row? Herbert, ever the picture of health and vitality, started to droop. Coincidence? I think not. He was judging my lack of culinary effort, I’m telling you.
And if that wasn’t enough, there’s the way he seems to perk up whenever I have company. Suddenly, he’s all vibrant green and reaching for the sky, putting on a show for my guests. It’s like he’s saying, “See? I’m a well-cared-for plant! She’s not a complete disaster.”
Look, I might be slightly delusional. Perhaps attributing complex emotions and judgments to a houseplant is a tad dramatic. But here’s the thing: even if it’s all in my head, Herbert’s silent scrutiny has made me more aware. I water him more regularly now, dust diligently (most of the time), and even try to cook a decent meal every now and then. Maybe, just maybe, a little bit of judgment is what we all need to be our best selves.
Do Your Plants Judge You Too? Share Your Thoughts!
So tell me, dear reader, am I alone in this? Have you ever caught your houseplants judging your life choices? Let me know in the comments below!