Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. Staring at a wilting plant, questioning our ability to keep even the hardiest of succulents alive. But lately, my relationship with my houseplant, Gerald (yes, he has a name, don’t judge me), has taken a turn for the… judgmental.
The Day My Plant Started Judging Me
It all started innocently enough. I was having a particularly rough day. Work was a chaotic symphony of missed deadlines and passive-aggressive emails, my dating app was suggesting I swipe right on sentient cacti, and I may or may not have eaten ice cream straight from the carton for dinner.
Signs Your Plant is Judging You: Exhibit A
The judgmental vibes only intensified from there. I swear, every time I made a questionable life choice, Gerald found a way to subtly (or not so subtly) express his disapproval. Forgot to water him for a week because I was too busy binge-watching reality TV? Boom, two leaves turned an alarming shade of yellow.
“Oh, you’re stressed about that big presentation?” Gerald seemed to whisper through his drooping foliage. “Maybe if you spent less time on social media and more time preparing…”
Okay, so maybe I was projecting. But the evidence was mounting!
Signs Your Plant is Judging You: Exhibit B
And then there was the infamous Tinder incident. I was showing Gerald a picture of a potential suitor (what can I say, I confide in him), when suddenly, a leaf dropped. Right onto my phone screen.