My Cart, My Everest
The other day, I was perched precariously on the bottom basket of my shopping cart, desperately trying to reach a rogue bell pepper that had rolled to the back. As I stretched, my dignity (and probably a few vertebrae) protesting with every inch, a woman with perfectly coiffed hair and a cart organized like a still life gave me “the look.” You know the one – a delicate blend of amusement and thinly veiled disgust.
It was in that moment, covered in grocery store dust bunnies and clinging to a bag of onions for dear life, that I realized something profound: I am a grocery store anarchist. A rebel without a receipt, if you will. I don’t just bend the unspoken rules of grocery store etiquette; I gleefully snap them in half like a stale baguette.
Conquering the Express Lane: My Everest Base Camp
Let’s be honest, the “15 Items or Less” sign is more of a gentle suggestion, right? An aspirational guideline for those less adventurous souls. Me? I treat it as a personal challenge. How many items can I cram onto the conveyor belt before the cashier passively aggressively asks me to use the self-checkout?
My personal best? 27. It involved a lot of strategically placed produce, a family-sized box of diapers masquerading as a single item, and the cashier’s audible sigh.
Me? I’m an equal opportunity sampler. I’ll happily munch on a mini taco while making eye contact and engaging in friendly banter with the employee. I figure, the least I can do is provide some entertainment in their otherwise repetitive day.
And yes, I may or may not have once used a rogue sample spoon to “try” a grape from the produce section. Don’t judge me. You’ve all thought about it.
Are you a stickler for the unspoken rules of the grocery store? Or are you, like me, a chaos agent in the cereal aisle? Let’s compare grocery store crimes in the comments below!