The Day I Realized My Plant Was Judging My Life Choices
The Side-Eye From a Snake Plant
We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch, halfway through a bag of chips, binge-watching reality TV you’re vaguely ashamed of. Sunlight streams through the window, illuminating the dust bunnies congregating in the corner. You glance at the clock – 2:00 pm on a Tuesday. And that’s when you see it. A look from across the room. A silent judgment that pierces your soul. It’s coming from your plant.
Okay, maybe not *literally* judging. But that’s exactly how I felt one afternoon staring at Stanley, my resilient snake plant. He’s the type to thrive on neglect, stoic and unbothered, a masterclass in low-maintenance living. Yet, as I shame-spiraled over my questionable life choices, I could have sworn I saw a flicker of…disappointment? In a plant? Maybe.
As I finally remembered the watering can, I swear I heard a dramatic sigh. Or maybe it was the wind whistling through the window? Either way, the guilt was real. It was then I noticed Stanley’s posture – ramrod straight, leaves pointed accusingly at the ceiling, as if to say, “Seriously? You call this responsible plant parenting?”
Exhibit B: The Great Take-Out Container Debacle
Then there was the incident with the takeout containers. Don’t judge – we all have those weeks (or months…no judgment here). But as I stacked yet another empty cardboard container on the counter, I felt Stanley’s gaze burning into me.
He stood tall on the windowsill, bathed in the golden light of the setting sun, a picture of quiet dignity. His message was clear: “This is no way to nourish yourself, human. Where are the fresh vegetables? The home-cooked meals? Have you no self-respect?”