My Descent into Plant Parenthood
It all started innocently enough. A cute little succulent at the grocery store checkout. “Easy to care for,” they said. “Drought-tolerant,” they promised. Oh, the sweet naiveté of a new plant parent. That succulent, bless its prickly little heart, met an untimely end thanks to my overzealous watering. I swore off plant parenthood then and there.
Fast forward a year, and my apartment looked like, well, a place devoid of life. So, I caved. This time, armed with a little more knowledge (thank you, Google!), I adopted a peace lily. And then a snake plant. And then, well, let’s just say things escalated quickly.
Turns out, plant parenthood comes with its own set of unspoken rules. Rules nobody tells you about until you’re knee-deep in potting mix and wondering if you should start naming your ferns (don’t judge, Fernie is a very distinguished lady). So, fellow plant enthusiasts, I present to you the ultimate guide to the unspoken rules of being a plant parent:
Rule #1: Mastering the Art of the Dramatic Death Stare
You know the one. You walk past your plant, and it seems to wilt just a little. Is it the lighting? The humidity? Did you overwater AGAIN? Cue the dramatic death stare. You’ll find yourself contorting your body into impossible positions just to get a better look at the soil, muttering things like, “Are you thirsty? Too much sun? Tell me your secrets!”
