My Descent into Plant Parenthood
It all started innocently enough. A succulent here, a spider plant there. “They’re practically impossible to kill,” they said. “Low maintenance,” they whispered. Oh, how naive I was! Fast forward to today, and my apartment looks like a scene straight out of Jumanji – but instead of monkeys swinging from the curtains, it’s verdant vines threatening to take over my living room.
Becoming a plant parent is a journey, my friends, fraught with hilarious pitfalls and unexpected triumphs. There’s a whole set of unspoken rules that nobody tells you about, a secret code whispered between Monstera deliciosa in darkened living rooms. So, buckle up, grab your watering can, and let’s dive into the wonderfully weird world of plant parenthood.
Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Greenery
We’ve all been there. You’re strolling through the park, minding your own business, when you spot it – the most glorious fiddle leaf fig tree you’ve ever laid eyes on. Its leaves are a vibrant emerald, untouched by a single brown spot. Jealousy rears its ugly head. You find yourself whispering sweet nothings to the tree, plotting ways to sneak it into your shopping bag.
