The Day I Became an Elevator Outlaw
I swear it was an accident. There I was, minding my own business, about to step onto the elevator at work when it hit me: a rogue rogue wave of—dare I say—joy?
Instead of the standard solemn head nod, I threw my hands up (not into anyone’s personal space, mind you) and exclaimed, “Happy Tuesday, everyone!”
Riding the Silent Treatment: Decoding Elevator Etiquette Myths
From that day on, I became fascinated by the strange social norms we adhere to in these metal boxes of awkwardness. Why all the rules?
- Thou Shalt Not Speak: Is this a library? A monastery? Nope, just an elevator. We cram ourselves in like sardines, yet heaven forbid we acknowledge each other’s existence with a simple “good morning.”
- The Button Pushing Paradox: You’re the closest to the buttons? Congratulations, you’re now an honorary elevator operator! But don’t you dare ask someone what floor they’re going to—that’s just weird.
- Eye Contact is Lava: The only acceptable places to direct your gaze in an elevator are: 1) the floor numbers slowly ticking by, 2) your own shoes (fascinating, I know), or 3) the abyss of your phone screen.
My Elevator Manifesto: A Guide to Breaking the Silence (Politely)
Look, I get it. We’re all just trying to get where we’re going with minimal human interaction. But I say, enough with the forced silence and awkwardness! Here’s my elevator manifesto:
- Smile and Greet: A simple “hello” or “good morning” can go a long way. Who knows, you might even brighten someone’s day (or at least startle them out of their morning stupor).
- Embrace the Button: Be a hero! Ask, “What floor?” instead of making everyone play the “awkwardly hovering near the buttons” game.
- Ditch the Phone (Sometimes): I’m not saying you have to engage in a deep philosophical debate, but putting away your phone for a few moments can open you up to the possibility of—gasp!—human connection.