Is My Houseplant Judging Me? The Secret Life of Philodendron Phil
From Green Thumb to Green Eyed Monster
I’ve always considered myself a plant person. I whisper words of encouragement to my leafy companions and celebrate new growth like a proud parent. But lately, my relationship with my prized philodendron, Phil, has taken a turn. He seems… judgey.
It started subtly. A drooping leaf coinciding with a particularly stressful day. A dramatic wilt after a night of questionable takeout choices (I’m looking at you, triple-cheese pizza). At first, I brushed it off. Plants need water, sunlight, the usual. But the more I observed Phil, the more I became convinced: he was judging me.
The other day, I was deep in a YouTube spiral of cat videos (don’t judge, you’ve been there) when I remembered a work email I’d been avoiding. Cue the dramatic sigh, the muttered “I’ll do it tomorrow,” and a quick glance at Phil. His leaves were practically rustling in disapproval. Okay, maybe it was just the breeze, but the timing was suspicious.
The Great Watering Debacle of ’23
We all have our shortcomings, and Phil knows mine involve a shockingly inconsistent watering schedule. I’m either showering him with love (and H2O) or completely forgetting he exists for weeks. This, my friends, is a constant source of tension in our relationship.
One particularly dry spell (my bad, Phil!), I walked past him to find his leaves practically dragging on the floor. Now, I’m no botanist, but even I could tell he was parched. As I scrambled for the watering can, I swear I heard a heavy sigh. Look, I’m trying my best here, okay?