Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. You know, that moment when you catch your reflection in the window and think, “Do I really look like this?” But what happens when that judgmental stare isn’t coming from your reflection, but from your seemingly innocent houseplant?
The Side-Eye From My Houseplant
It all started innocently enough. I, like many others during the pandemic, decided to become a plant parent. I envisioned a lush oasis filled with vibrant greenery, a testament to my nurturing abilities. What I got was Kevin.
Wilting Leaves and Questionable Dating App Choices
The judgment became undeniable during one particularly rough week. My love life was drier than Kevin after I forgot to water him (again), and my work deadlines were piling up faster than dirty laundry. As I scrolled through dating apps, desperately seeking a distraction, I felt a distinct weight settle on my soul.
Looking up, I saw Kevin, his leaves drooping lower than my self-esteem. It was as if he was saying, “Seriously? Him? You’re going to subject yourself to another awkward first date?”
I swear, if plants could sigh dramatically, Kevin would have put on a masterclass.
The Time My Houseplant Almost Staged an Intervention
Then there was the Great Pizza Box Incident of 2023. It was one of those nights (you know the ones). Work was a nightmare, the gym saw me about as often as I saw my distant relatives, and my dinner consisted of leftover pizza…again.