Does My Houseplant Judge My Life Choices?

We’ve all been there, right? Staring down a pile of laundry the size of Mount Washmore, questioning every decision that led to this moment. But lately, I’ve started to suspect I’m not alone in my self-judgment. No, my friends, it’s worse than that. I think my houseplant is judging me, too.

The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Living Room

It all started innocently enough. I brought home a cute little Stanley (yes, I named him) out of the corner of my eye. His leaves seemed to be angled ever so slightly in my direction, as if to say, “Really? Still haven’t finished that proposal? Some of us have photosynthesis to do.”

Is My Snake Plant Judging Me? The Passive-Aggressive Droop

I tried to shake it off, I really did. But then came the passive-aggressive drooping. I’d be mid-spiral, agonizing over whether I should have ordered the Pad See Ew instead of the Panang Curry, and BAM! Stanley’s leaves would be practically kissing the windowsill.

At first, I thought I was overwatering him. But then I realized the pattern: he only drooped when I was engaging in peak self-doubt. Was he…disappointed in me? Was this his way of saying, “Honestly, the curry was probably the wrong choice, too?”

A New Leaf, A New Me?

Just when I was about to invest in a therapist for both of us, Stanley threw me a curveball. After a particularly productive week – you know, the kind where I actually did laundry AND went for a run – I noticed something shocking: a new leaf, unfurling towards the sun like a tiny, green thumbs-up.

Could it be? Was Stanley… proud of me? Was this his way of saying, “Okay, you finally got your act together. I knew you had it in you?”

Houseplant Therapy: Is This a Thing?

I’ll admit, I’m still not entirely sure what to make of Stanley’s judgmental tendencies. Maybe I’m just projecting. Maybe he’s just a plant, doing plant things. Or maybe, just maybe, he’s the silent, leafy life coach I never asked for but desperately needed.

What do you think? Have your houseplants ever exhibited judgmental behavior? Share your stories in the comments below – misery loves company, especially when it comes to being judged by our greenery!