Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
The Side-Eye of a Spider Plant
It all started with a slight droop. My beloved spider plant, Herbert (yes, I name my plants), was looking a little worse for wear. Now, I consider myself a responsible plant parent – I water regularly, I even talk to my leafy companions (don’t judge). But Herbert’s wilting leaves felt like a direct accusation. Like he was saying, “Really, Karen? This is the best you can do?”
My suspicions of plant judgment intensified with Kevin the cactus. Kevin is a stoic fellow, a prickly pear with few demands. Or so I thought. One day, I found him looking particularly shriveled, a fine dust of what I can only describe as cactus dandruff coating his pot.
Panic set in. Had I overwatered him? Underwatered him? Was the humidity all wrong? As I frantically Googled “cactus care tips,” it hit me: Kevin wasn’t just thirsty, he was disappointed. He had entrusted me with his well-being, and I, in my infinite human fallibility, had failed him.