Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch in your oldest sweatpants, haven’t showered in a questionable amount of time, and you’re pretty sure your last meal was a bag of stale chips. You glance up and… BAM. There it is. That look.
The Side-Eye From My Houseplant
It all started innocently enough. I, like many during the pandemic, decided to become a Plant Parent™. I envisioned a lush, green oasis filled with thriving flora. What I got was… Fernando.
The Great Watering Incident of 2023
Things escalated quickly. One particularly frazzled morning, I completely forgot to water Fernando. I was already running late for work, hair resembling a bird’s nest, desperately trying to find matching socks. As I flew past Fernando, I swore I heard a dramatic gasp followed by what I can only describe as a “tsk” sound.
Okay, maybe I was imagining things. Stress does weird things to a person, right?
Except, later that day, I spilled coffee all over my keyboard during an important Zoom meeting. And when I hung up, red-faced and mortified, guess who was turned away from me, leaves pointed dramatically towards the window?
Coincidence? I think not.
The Curious Case of the Missing Plant Food
Look, I know I’m not the best Plant Parent™. I forget to rotate him towards the sunlight. I occasionally overwater. And I may or may not have used his pot to hide the evidence of a particularly disastrous attempt at baking a cake (don’t judge, it was a dark time).
But the final straw came when I realized I was out of plant food. Again. I swear I just bought some! This time, Fernando didn’t even try to hide his disappointment. He just sat there, leaves drooping lower than usual, practically radiating judgmental energy.