The Side-Eye from a Snake Plant: A Sign of Plant Judgment?
We’ve all been there. It’s 2 pm on a Tuesday, you’re in your pajamas, haven’t showered yet, and are mainlining coffee while trying to convince yourself that “work from home” doesn’t equal “procrastinate all day.” That’s where I found myself last week, staring blankly at my laptop screen when I noticed it.
My snake plant, Stan (yes, I name my plants, don’t judge), usually a beacon of stoic indifference, was…tilted. Not just your average leaning-towards-the-sunlight tilt. This was a full-on, “Are you serious right now?” side-eye directed straight at me.
Now, I’m not saying Stan is sentient or anything (okay, maybe just a little sentient). But that look sparked a wave of self-reflection. Was I projecting my own insecurities onto an innocent houseplant? Perhaps. Or was Stan staging a silent intervention for my questionable life choices? The evidence was starting to pile up.
Exhibit A: The succulent graveyard on my windowsill. I swear I had the best intentions, but somehow, those low-maintenance desert dwellers ended up as shriveled husks under my care. Even Stan, with his minimal needs, seemed to wilt slightly every time I sheepishly tossed out another casualty.
“Too much pressure?” I’d whisper apologetically, spritzing him with some water. His leaves remained pointedly unmoved.
Exhibit B: The Pizza Box Pile-Up of Shame – Can Plants Smell My Shame?
And then there was the incident with the pizza boxes. Look, we all have our weaknesses. Mine just happens to be pepperoni with extra cheese. After a particularly brutal week (read: I spent three hours scrolling through cat memes instead of meeting a deadline), I found myself surrounded by a shameful tower of empty pizza boxes.
Stan, perched atop his shelf like a leafy green Buddha, seemed to shudder. Or maybe it was just the draft from the open window. Either way, I felt the judgment radiating from his pot. It was the push I needed to finally tackle the cardboard mountain of shame.