The 5 AM Pact (I Should Have Known Better)
My alarm clock sang its cheerful tune at 5:00 AM. Okay, “cheerful” might be a stretch. It sounded more like a robotic chicken being strangled, but I digress. The point is, I was awake. Well, “awake” might be a stretch too. Let’s just say my eyes were open, and I was vaguely aware that the sun was plotting something outside my window.
This was it. The dawn of a new, productive me. No more hitting snooze until the last possible second, no more stumbling through my morning routine like a zombie. Today, I was joining the ranks of those mythical creatures: morning people.
Every self-respecting morning person knows that the key to a successful day is a healthy breakfast. And what could be healthier than a green smoothie? Spinach, kale, banana, a splash of almond milk – it was practically glowing with virtue. I even added chia seeds for an extra dose of “I’m-so-healthy-it-hurts.”
What I failed to consider was the taste. Or rather, the complete lack thereof. It tasted like a lawnmower had gotten into a fight with a banana and then cried almond milk. I choked it down, gagging only slightly, and wondered if sacrificing flavor was a prerequisite for joining the morning person club.
The Exercise Fiasco: Morning Workout Fail
Fueled by my (questionable) smoothie, I decided to tackle another morning person staple: exercise. I laced up my sneakers (okay, they were technically slip-ons, but still), threw on some workout clothes, and headed out the door, determined to conquer the world… or at least a light jog around the block.
Five minutes in, I was already regretting my life choices. My lungs burned, my legs screamed, and I’m pretty sure I saw my neighbor stifling a laugh as I wheezed past his house. I gave up and went back to bed, defeated.