Confessions of a Recovering Plant Killer (And Why You Should Totally Join the Club)

From Black Thumb to Blooming Obsession

Okay, let’s be real. Before I became a “plant parent,” the only green thing thriving in my house was the layer of fuzzy something lurking in the back of my fridge. I’d buy plants, whisper hopeful encouragements, and then watch in horror as they withered faster than my dating life after mentioning I enjoy long walks on the beach (alone, with my 12 plants, obviously).

But something changed. Maybe it was pandemic-induced boredom, maybe it was the sheer willpower of a particularly resilient snake plant (seriously, how are you not dead, Steve?), but I found myself…enjoying it? Like, actually feeling a thrill when a new leaf unfurled?

Turns out, there’s a whole world of unexpected joys in the plant kingdom, and trust me, if I can do this, anyone can.

Plant Parenthood: Less Messy, Way More Rewarding Than the Human Kind

First things first, let’s address the elephant (ear plant) in the room. Unlike their tiny human counterparts, plants are pretty low-maintenance. No sleepless nights, no tantrums in the cereal aisle, and definitely no backtalk (unless you count the occasional drooping leaf, which, let’s be honest, is probably just passive-aggressive shade for forgetting to water them).

But the real joy? The victories, my friends, the victories! Remember that feeling when your toddler finally mastered the potty? Multiply that by a thousand and you’ll understand the pure exhilaration of successfully propagating your first plant baby. It’s basically plant cloning, but way less dystopian and you get to brag about it on Instagram.

• Witnessing your plant babies thrive is ridiculously rewarding.
• It’s cheaper than therapy (don’t quote me on that).

Plants: The Chillest Roommates You’ll Ever Have

Forget noisy neighbours and passive-aggressive sticky notes on the fridge. Plants are the epitome of chill roommates. They purify the air, add a touch of life and colour to your space, and never judge your questionable taste in reality TV. Plus, they’re always down for a good photosynthesis session, which, let’s be honest, is way more productive than your average Netflix binge.

And the best part? They come in varieties to suit every personality. Feeling dramatic? Grab a majestic Monstera Deliciosa. Craving some zen? A calming Peace Lily is your new BFF. And if you’re anything like me (read: prone to neglecting living things), a resilient Snake Plant will become your ride or die.

So, Are You Ready to Embrace Your Inner Plant Parent?

Look, I get it. Committing to another living thing is a big deal, even if it only requires sunlight, water, and the occasional pep talk. But trust me, the rewards far outweigh the risks. Plus, with a little patience, a dash of humor, and maybe a plant-themed Instagram account (no judgment!), you might just surprise yourself with your newfound green thumb.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Steve the Snake Plant is looking a little thirsty…and judging by the angle of that leaf, he’s got some thoughts on my latest dating app disaster.