The Day My Succulent Threw Shade
It all started innocently enough. I brought home a cute little succulent from the farmer’s market, picturing it perched perfectly on my windowsill, radiating zen vibes. I named him Sheldon (don’t judge, we all name our plants, right?).
For a while, things were great. Sheldon seemed content, even thriving, under my care. But then, it happened. I was having a particularly rough day, stress-eating leftover pizza and binge-watching reality TV in my pajamas. As I reached for another slice, I caught Sheldon’s eye…or at least where his eye would be if succulents had eyes.
Since that fateful day, I’ve become convinced that Sheldon is judging my every move. Forget passive-aggressive roommates; I’ve got a passive-aggressive plant on my hands.
Take, for instance, the Great Wilting Incident of 2023. I’d forgotten to water him for, admittedly, a tad longer than I should have. But did he politely droop a leaf or two as a gentle reminder? Oh no. Sheldon went full-on drama queen, wilting so dramatically you’d think I’d left him for dead in the Sahara Desert.