Picture this: it’s a Tuesday, the world is fueled by caffeine and questionable decisions, and I’m swiping through dating profiles with the enthusiasm of a raccoon in a dumpster. Suddenly, I hear a rustle. Beatrice, who usually stands tall and proud, is looking a little…droopy.

“Don’t judge,” I mutter, convinced I’m losing it. “He looked better in the other pictures.”

Coincidence? Perhaps. But then it happened again. The next day, I’m telling my friend about the disastrous date (he brought his mom! To our first date!), and Beatrice starts shedding leaves like they’re going out of style.

“Okay, that’s weird, right?” I ask my friend, pointing at the pile of leaves accumulating at the base of the pot.

My friend, bless her soul, tries to be diplomatic. “Maybe it’s just…shedding season?” she offers, but I can see the doubt in her eyes.

The Curious Case of the Midnight Serenade (Gone Wrong)

Now, I’m not one to shy away from a good plant care tip. I’ve tried it all: talking to my plants, playing them classical music, you name it. But one night, fueled by a particularly inspiring glass (okay, bottle) of wine, I decided to treat Beatrice to a midnight serenade.

Let’s just say my rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” did not have the intended effect. The next morning, I found Beatrice leaning precariously away from my record player, as if trying to escape the scene of a crime.