Is My Houseplant Secretly Judging Me? One Plant Parent’s Paranoia
The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Living Room
It happened again this morning. I stumbled out of bed, hair looking like a bird’s nest, and caught my Monstera Deliciosa giving me the side-eye. You know the look – the one that seems to say, “Seriously? You call that watering schedule consistent?”
Look, I love my plants. They bring life and color into my home, purify the air (supposedly), and make me feel like I have my life remotely together. But lately, I’ve started to suspect that my leafy companions, specifically my Monstera, are silently judging my every move.
Just last week, my friend Sarah was visiting, and as we were discussing my (admittedly questionable) dating life, my Monstera chose that exact moment to stage a dramatic wilt. Sarah, being a plant mom herself, immediately rushed to its aid, shooting me a look that could only be described as “Seriously? Get it together.”
Exhibit B: The New Growth Glare
Here’s the thing: my Monstera isn’t always judging. When I do manage to string together a few weeks of decent plant parenting, it rewards me with a new leaf. But even then, there’s a catch. As I admire the new growth, I swear I can feel its judgmental gaze following my every move.
“Oh, so you can keep a plant alive,” it seems to say. “But can you fold that laundry pile that’s been growing for a week? Didn’t think so.”