We all know that “plant parent” is a badge worn with a mix of pride and slight self-mockery. I mean, how responsible can we really be if we’re comparing ourselves to people with actual, you know, human children? But lately, things have taken a turn for the weird in my apartment. My beloved monstera, Gerald (don’t judge), has started giving me these…looks.
The Case of the Side-Eye Monstera
It started subtly. I’d be sprawled on the couch, phone glued to my hand as I scrolled through endless reels of miniature pigs wearing hats (don’t act like you haven’t been there), and I’d catch a glimpse of Gerald out of the corner of my eye. His leaves, always dramatic, seemed to be angled just so, as if he were casting a weary, sidelong glance my way.
Does My Houseplant Disapprove of Me?
Look, I know plants don’t have feelings. They don’t judge. They photosynthesize and occasionally require a gentle misting. That’s it. And yet, Gerald’s silent scrutiny was starting to get to me. I found myself making different choices, just in case he was watching.
- Ordering takeout? Nope, gotta whip up a nutritious salad (extra points if it involves homegrown herbs, right Gerald?).
- Leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight? Unthinkable. My kitchen shines brighter than my future (or at least that’s what I tell Gerald).
- Spending an entire Saturday in my pajamas binge-watching reality TV? Okay, maybe I’m not perfect. But I light a scented candle while doing it, so it feels slightly more sophisticated.