The Great Phone Number Mix-Up of 2023 (and Why I Still Answer “Tony’s Pizza“)
It all started innocently enough. One Tuesday afternoon, my phone rang, displaying an unknown number. Figuring it was just another telemarketer trying to sell me something I didn’t need, I almost let it go to voicemail. But something – perhaps a fleeting hope for a wrong number adventure – compelled me to answer.
“Hello?” I said cautiously.
A harried voice on the other end responded, “Yeah, hi, can I get a large pepperoni with extra cheese? And make sure it’s well-done this time, last time it was a bit doughy.”
A beat of silence. Then, a disbelieving chuckle. “Right, right, very funny, Dave. Look, I’m kinda in a hurry, can you just put the order through?”
And that, my friends, was the beginning of my unexpected career as a pizza hotline operator.
The Case of the Misguided Munchies
After the initial shock wore off, I realized that something strange was afoot. Apparently, thanks to some cosmic phone number switcheroo (or maybe just a typo in the phone book, who knows!), my number had become inexplicably linked to Tony’s Pizza, a local establishment known for its greasy goodness and questionable customer service (at least judging by the tone of some callers).
For the next few weeks, my phone became a hotline for hungry customers. I received calls at all hours, requesting everything from classic pepperoni to bizarre topping combinations that would make even the most adventurous foodie raise an eyebrow.
There was the college student who called at 2 am, craving a “meat-lover’s dream” with extra jalapenos. The elderly lady who sweetly asked for a small cheese pizza “with light sauce, dear.” And let’s not forget the group of teenagers who tried to order a pizza with pineapple (the horror!).
Each call followed a similar pattern: confusion, denial, and finally, begrudging acceptance that they’d dialed the wrong pizzeria.
Embracing the Chaos (and the Discount Codes)
At first, the constant calls were amusing, a quirky anecdote to share at parties. But after the tenth call in a day, the novelty began to wear thin. Just when I was about to embrace the dark side and start taking down fake orders for anchovy and pineapple pizzas, a thought occurred to me.
What if I used this newfound power for good?