Armed with a beginner’s calligraphy set (read: two plastic nibs and a suspicious-looking ink cartridge), a stack of pristine paper, and the unyielding enthusiasm of someone who has absolutely no idea what they’re doing, I embarked on my calligraphy journey. The first hurdle, I quickly discovered, was assembling the infernal pen. After several minutes of struggling, I managed to jam the nib into the holder with the grace of a rhinoceros attempting origami. Ink, of course, promptly squirted everywhere, transforming my pristine workspace into a Jackson Pollock painting (if Jackson Pollock had used cheap, indelible ink as his medium).

From First Strokes to Epic Fails: The Art of the Scribble

Undeterred by this initial setback (or the rapidly dwindling supply of paper towels), I dipped my weaponized writing utensil into the inkwell and attempted my first calligraphy strokes. What emerged, however, bore little resemblance to the graceful loops and swirls I’d envisioned. Instead, my paper was graced with a series of spidery scratches and blots that looked more like the frantic scribblings of a possessed toddler than the elegant script of a seasoned calligrapher.

My attempts to form letters proved equally disastrous. A’s resembled drunken triangles, B’s took on the appearance of misshapen amoebas, and my C’s, well, let’s just say they looked like they’d been run over by a particularly aggressive steamroller.