We all have them – those little quirks and habits we wouldn’t want the outside world to see. Maybe you sing off-key in the shower, or eat ice cream straight from the carton at 2 am. We’re only human, after all! But what if I told you someone, or rather something, is watching? And silently judging your every move? No, it’s not the Roomba (though that’s a whole other blog post). It’s Beatrice, my seemingly innocent peace lily.
The Side-Eye, and Other Suspicious Plant Behavior
It all started with a particularly rough morning. I’d overslept, burnt my toast, and tripped over the cat, all before 8 am. As I poured my (second) cup of coffee, I caught Beatrice’s eye. Okay, “eye” might be a stretch, but you get the point. The way her leaves were angled, ever so slightly pointed towards me… it felt like a side-eye of epic proportions.
Passive-Aggressive Plant Parenting
My suspicions weren’t exactly alleviated by Beatrice’s dramatic reactions to my less-than-stellar plant parenting skills. Forget to water her for a few days? Cue the dramatic wilting performance worthy of an Oscar. Accidentally overwater and almost drown her roots? The audible sigh (or was that the wind?) that followed was almost comical.
“Alright, alright, I’m trying my best here!” I’d say, feeling a pang of guilt as I frantically Googled “how to revive a dying peace lily.” Beatrice, of course, would remain stoic, a green goddess unimpressed by my panicked attempts to appease her.
The Great Fertilizer Fiasco of 2023
Then there was the Great Fertilizer Fiasco of 2023. In my defense, the instructions were incredibly vague! One minute I was sprinkling a few pellets, the next, Beatrice was practically buried in the stuff. The look she gave me then? Let’s just say I haven’t seen that level of judgment since I accidentally wore Crocs to a friend’s birthday party.