Posted in Personal Essay

Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me

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Is My Houseplant Judging Me? A Hilarious Take on Plant Parent Life

The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Living Room

Okay, maybe “judging” is a strong word. But hear me out. The other day I was sprawled on the couch, shamelessly demolishing a bag of chips, when I caught my Monstera Deliciosa’s giant, perforated leaves turned towards me. It felt like a scene straight out of a sitcom, the plant silently judging my life choices. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

plant world equivalent of a forgetful goldfish owner. My thumbs aren’t just black; they’re sporting a full-on gothic ensemble. The poor Peace Lily that used to grace my windowsill? Let’s just say it went to the great greenhouse in the sky after a particularly brutal drought (read: I forgot to water it for three weeks straight). The look on my Monstera’s face when I finally, sheepishly, cleared out the pot? Pure disappointment. Like it knew I was capable of so much more (I swear, I am!).

Exhibit B: The “I Could Thrive in the Wild” Stare

Here’s the thing about the Monstera: it’s thriving. Like, seriously thriving. It’s practically doubled in size since I got it, sprouting new leaves faster than I can keep up with. Me? I’m pretty sure I’ve worn the same pair of sweatpants for three days straight. Sometimes, when I’m watering it (which I now do religiously, thank you very much), I catch its reflection in the window. It’s like it’s looking back at me, this vibrant, verdant symbol of life, silently questioning my every decision.

judging me? Probably not. But there’s something undeniably entertaining about anthropomorphizing our plant pals. They add a certain something to our homes, a touch of life, a pop of color, and yes, maybe even a dash of silent judgment. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, what’s life without a little friendly competition from your houseplants?

Do Your Plants Judge You Too?

Am I the only one who thinks their plants are secretly judging them? Share your hilarious plant-judging stories in the comments below!


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