Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
The Day My Fiddle-Leaf Fig Sided With My Mom
We’ve all been there. You’re having a tough day, maybe spilled coffee on your favorite shirt, and you glance over at your houseplant for a little pick-me-up. But instead of a cheerful burst of green, you get…side-eye?
Okay, maybe not actual side-eye. But last week, my mom was visiting, and she made a comment about my somewhat…relaxed…cleaning schedule. I brushed it off, of course, but then I caught my fiddle-leaf fig, Ferdinand, subtly drooping a leaf. Towards my laundry pile. It was the most passive-aggressive plant move I’ve ever witnessed. That’s when I knew. Ferdinand was judging me.
I started paying closer attention, and I swear, Ferdinand’s mood is directly correlated to my life choices. Big work deadline looming? He’s practically wilting in despair. Ordered takeout for the third night in a row? The new growth is stunted. Successfully kept my succulents alive for a whole month? He’s practically glowing with pride (or maybe that was just the sunlight).
I even started keeping a log of Ferdinand’s “tells.” Here are just a few of the highlights:
- Dramatic Leaf Drop: Happens anytime I forget to water him for, like, a day over the recommended schedule. He’s so dramatic.
- Suspicious Tilt: Always towards my overflowing recycling bin. I swear he’s judging my wine habit.
- Perky New Growth: Appears only after I’ve dusted his leaves and had a successful therapy session. Coincidence? I think not.