We’ve all been there. You’re scarfing down cold pizza at 2 AM, scrolling through your ex’s Instagram, and suddenly you lock eyes with your houseplant. It’s not your imagination – that’s definitely a look of judgment. At least, that’s how it feels when I catch my peace lily, Gertrude, side-eyeing me.
When My Houseplant Almost Staged a Coup
It all started innocently enough. I brought Gertrude home from the plant store, brimming with good intentions. I envisioned a future of domestic bliss: me, sipping herbal tea, Gertrude basking serenely in the sunlight.
Turns out, I’m more of a boxed wine and Netflix kind of gal.
The Curious Case of the Brown Spots
My attempts to appease Gertrude were met with, shall we say, mixed results. I tried talking to her, playing her classical music (apparently, she prefers Lizzo), even serenading her with my questionable karaoke skills.
Nothing worked. In fact, things escalated.
One morning, I woke up to find mysterious brown spots dotting Gertrude’s once-perfect leaves. I panicked. Was it a disease? A pest? Or was it… a message?
After consulting Google (aka, the plant parent’s best friend), I realized the culprit was likely overwatering. My bad, Gertrude. You try maintaining a consistent watering schedule when your sleep schedule resembles that of a nocturnal bat.
Gertrude and the Great Repotting Debacle of 2023
The final straw came during a particularly ambitious (read: disastrous) attempt to repot Gertrude. Let’s just say it involved a lot of dirt, a broken pot, and me swearing profusely while Gertrude silently judged me from the confines of her plastic prison.