morning routine.” You know the ones: Wake up at 5 am, meditate to the sound of birdsong (what birdsong?), run a marathon before breakfast, and single-handedly save the world before noon. All this while looking effortlessly put together, of course.
Naturally, I, a dedicated night owl with a caffeine dependency and a penchant for midnight snacks, felt the pressure. So, I embarked on a journey to become one of *them* – the mythical morning people.
Operation: Sunshine and Smiles (Spoiler: It Involved Neither)
My alarm clock, usually an unwelcome intruder, became my “motivational coach.” I set it for the ungodly hour of 6 am (baby steps, people!). The first morning, I actually managed to peel my eyelids open and stumble out of bed.
Next on the agenda: the dreaded green smoothie. I blended together enough leafy greens to satisfy a small farm, gagged my way through it, and waited for the burst of energy promised by health gurus.
Instead, I got a stomach ache.
The rest of my “morning routine” went downhill from there. I tried journaling, but my brain, still in sleep mode, could only produce sentences like “Why am I doing this?” and “Coffee. Need coffee.”
The Inevitable Crash (and Burn) of My Morning Routine Experiment
My attempt at being a morning person lasted a glorious three days. By day three, I was a sleep-deprived, caffeine-fueled monster with a suspicious green tinge around my mouth (thanks, spinach smoothie).
The final straw came when I accidentally put my shirt on inside out and poured orange juice into my coffee. It was a sign. The universe was telling me to embrace my inner night owl.