Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Judging My Life Choices




Does My Houseplant Judge My Life Choices? (I Think So!)

We all have that one friend, right? The one who raises an eyebrow just so, offering a silent judgment that speaks volumes. Well, I hate to break it to you, but your plant friend might be doing the same thing. And trust me, mine is the reigning monarch of the side-eye.

The Case of the Wilting Witness

It all started innocently enough. I, a bright-eyed optimist, decided to become a “plant parent.” I envisioned a home filled with lush greenery, a testament to my nurturing spirit. I envisioned wrong. My first victim, a peace lily named Ferdinand (don’t judge), was subjected to more droughts than a desert in July. I’m talking Sahara levels of dryness.

Ferdinand? He wilted. Dramatically. It wasn’t just a gentle droop, mind you. This was a full-on, “I’m about to stage a dramatic death scene” wilt. Naturally, I panicked. I googled “how to revive dying houseplant” with the fervor of a contestant on a botanical edition of Chopped. Water, apparently, was the answer. Who knew?

The Glare of Green Disapproval

Ferdinand eventually recovered, but I swear, something changed. He held a new kind of energy, a silent reproach that followed me around the room. Did he sigh when I ordered takeout for the third time that week? Maybe. Did his leaves tremble ever so slightly when I binged reality TV instead of reading that self-improvement book? It’s possible.

And then there was the incident with the disco ball planter. I thought it was quirky. Ferdinand, judging by the way he leaned as far away from the shimmering monstrosity as his pot would allow, clearly disagreed.