We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch, three episodes deep into a reality TV marathon you swore you’d never watch, when suddenly you feel it… a presence. You glance around, heart pounding, only to find… it’s just Phil, your trusty Monstera Deliciosa, chilling in the corner.
Except, is he really just “chilling?” Or is that a subtle eye-roll hidden beneath that oversized leaf? A judgmental rustle of foliage in response to your questionable life choices? Friends, I’m convinced my houseplant is secretly judging me, and I have the evidence to prove it.
Exhibit A: The Great Monstera Wilting Incident of 2023
Picture this: it’s a Tuesday, I’m running late for work, and in my haste, I accidentally knock poor Phil’s watering schedule off by a whole day. I mean, come on, we’ve all been there, right? A little dehydration never hurt anyone… right?
Wrong.
By the time I got home, Phil was basically a living, breathing (well, more like barely breathing) metaphor for my own chaotic life. His leaves were drooping lower than my self-esteem after a weekend of online shopping. He looked like he’d aged a decade in eight hours. The guilt? Unbearable.
