We’ve all seen them—those mythical creatures who bound out of bed at the crack of dawn, chirping about sunshine and green smoothies. I, my friends, am not one of them. I’m a card-carrying member of the Night Owl Society, where the only acceptable sunrise viewing happens after an all-nighter (usually involving a deadline and copious amounts of coffee).
The Pact (and My Unrealistic Expectations)
It all started innocently enough. My friend Sarah, a morning person so radiant she practically glows in the dark before 8 am, convinced me that joining the “5 am club” would change my life.
“Think of the productivity!” she’d chirp, her eyes sparkling with the promise of a thousand sun salutations. “We can meditate, go for a run, write that novel you’ve been talking about…”
The Great Snooze Button Rebellion
The first morning arrived, and with it, the shrill cry of my alarm clock at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. I’m not sure what fresh hell this was, but I was pretty sure Dante forgot to include it in his Inferno.
After fifteen minutes of hitting the snooze button (a new personal best!), I dragged myself out of bed, feeling like I’d just completed a marathon run through quicksand.
The next few days followed a similar pattern:
- Alarm screams. I groan.
- Snooze button becomes my new best friend.
- Stumble out of bed feeling like a grumpy bear roused from hibernation.
Let’s just say my attempts at meditation were more like accidental naps, and the only running I did was to the coffee machine.
The Epic (and Hilarious) Fail of My Sunrise Yoga Attempt
The final nail in my morning person coffin came a week later. In a desperate attempt to embrace my supposed new life, I decided to try a sunrise yoga session.