The 5 AM Pact (Spoiler Alert: It Doesn’t End Well)
My alarm clock, in its infinite cruelty, blared a jaunty tune at the ungodly hour of 5:00 AM. 5:00 AM! Who even invented this time? Shouldn’t birds still be sleeping? As I fumbled for the snooze button, a wave of self-loathing washed over me. “Today’s the day,” I mumbled into my pillow. Today was the day I, a creature of the night, was going to become a glorious morning person.
My plan was foolproof (or so I thought). I had downloaded a meditation app, bought a fancy blender for green smoothies, and even laid out my workout clothes the night before. This time, I was prepared. The first morning started off…okay. The meditation app sounded suspiciously like whale calls, and my green smoothie tasted like lawn clippings. But I powered through, even managing a 20-minute jog (which, in my defense, felt like a marathon).
By day three, the cracks in my morning person facade were starting to show. I hit snooze approximately 47 times. My workout consisted of walking to the fridge for coffee. And my “healthy breakfast” involved a shameful amount of leftover pizza.
The Great Sleep-In Rebellion of 2023
My descent back into my natural sleep cycle was, to put it mildly, spectacular. One morning, I woke up to find myself in a full-blown argument with my alarm clock. (Don’t judge, we’ve all been there.) The meditation app was promptly deleted, replaced by my old friend, the podcast app (because nothing says “I’m a functioning adult” like listening to true crime at 7:00 AM). And my blender? Let’s just say it’s found a new life as a storage container for random kitchen utensils.