Why I’m Convinced My Houseplant is Secretly Judging Me
The Side-Eye Was My First Clue
It all started with a slight shift in the leaves. Nothing major, just a subtle turn towards the television as I indulged in my third consecutive hour of trashy reality TV. It was probably just the breeze from the open window, right? But then it happened again. This time, as I devoured an entire pizza (don’t judge, it was one of those personal-sized ones) while scrolling through social media. The leaves, I swear, tilted downward, as if burdened by the sheer disappointment emanating from my very being.
That’s when I knew. My houseplant, a supposedly innocent and inanimate object, was judging me. And honestly, who could blame it?
If the side-eye wasn’t enough to convince me, the Great Wilting Episode of ’22 sealed the deal. It was a particularly stressful week. Work deadlines loomed, dirty laundry threatened to engulf my apartment, and I may or may not have forgotten to water my leafy roommate for, well, let’s just say it had been a while.
One morning, I stumbled into the living room to find my once-vibrant plant drooping like a sad, green noodle. It was as if it was saying, “See, this is what happens when you don’t prioritize self-care! Get your act together, human!”
A frantic watering and some gentle apologies seemed to revive it, but the message was clear: this plant was keeping tabs on my mental and emotional well-being, and it wasn’t impressed.
Signs of Approval: The Mysterious Growth Spurt
But it’s not always judgment and despair, oh no. Sometimes, my plant throws me a bone, a leafy olive branch if you will. Like the time I finally tackled that mountain of laundry, cooked a semi-nutritious meal (okay, it was ramen with vegetables), and went for a jog (a very short jog, but still). The next day, I swear, my plant had sprouted a new leaf, a shiny green testament to my brief foray into responsible adulthood.
Was it just the power of proper sunlight and hydration? Perhaps. But a part of me likes to believe it was a silent nod of approval, a “See, you can be a functional member of society when you put your mind to it” from my leafy life coach.