We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through Instagram at 2:00 AM, lamenting your life choices, when you see her. The Morning Person. She’s already finished a workout, baked a souffle, and written a novel, all before you’ve even considered brushing your teeth.
The Pact I Made with My Alarm Clock (and Why It Backfired)
My own descent into morning-person-wannabe-dom started with a particularly inspiring podcast. “Wake up before the sun!” the chipper host urged. “That’s when the magic happens!” Desperate for some magic in my life, I made a pact with my alarm clock (and by alarm clock, I mean my phone, because who owns an actual alarm clock these days?).
The Week I Became a Walking Zombie
The first morning was rough. Like, sandpaper-on-your-eyeballs rough. I stumbled around my apartment, bumping into furniture and mumbling incoherent sentences at the dog.
But I persevered! I even managed to drag myself out for a jog, which mostly involved me wheezing dramatically and hoping none of my neighbors saw my bedhead.
The rest of the week went downhill from there. My attempt at a healthy breakfast (overnight oats, anyone?) ended with me pouring milk directly into the container and calling it a day. My productivity levels plummeted faster than a skydiver with a faulty parachute. And my social life? Let’s just say my friends were starting to think I’d joined a cult that only communicated via carrier pigeon.
The Salty Coffee Debacle That Ended It All
The final nail in my morning person coffin came in the form of a coffee-related incident. In my sleep-deprived state, I managed to confuse salt for sugar. Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like a mouthful of salty coffee to make you question all your life choices.