We’ve all been there. You know, that moment you lock eyes with your houseplant and swear you see a flash of…disappointment? Maybe even a hint of judgment? No? Just me? Okay, well, let me tell you about Gary (yes, my Monstera Deliciosa is named Gary) and why I’m convinced he’s judging my every move.
The Droopy Leaf Incident
It all began innocently enough. I was having a particularly rough week – deadlines looming, fridge looking bare, you know the drill. As I was lamenting my lack of culinary inspiration, I caught Gary’s usually perky leaves drooping lower than usual. Now, I’m no botanist, but I swear it looked suspiciously like judgment. Like he was silently saying, “You call this adulting? I haven’t been watered in three days!”
Naturally, I panicked. I rushed to check the soil (bone dry, whoops!), gave him a good watering, and even tossed in some plant food for good measure. As I stepped back to admire my handiwork, I could have sworn I saw a single leaf twitch upwards. Was it gratitude? Or maybe…smug satisfaction?
If the droopy leaf incident wasn’t enough to convince me, the burnt dinner debacle sealed the deal. Picture this: I’m attempting (keyword: attempting) to whip up a somewhat edible stir-fry. The smoke alarm is blaring, I’m frantically waving a tea towel, and through the haze, I see Gary.
Now, keep in mind, Gary sits on a shelf a good six feet away from the stove. And yet, as I fumbled to open the windows, I could have sworn his leaves were turned towards me, almost as if… shielding himself from the culinary carnage? The silent judgment was palpable. That night, I ordered takeout. And apologized to Gary.
My Yoga Mat vs. Gary’s Zen Energy
Let’s just say Gary isn’t a fan of my inconsistent exercise routine. I’m talking about the yoga mat that lives permanently rolled up in the corner, gathering dust (and probably some questionable life forms). One morning, as I was mustering the willpower to actually unroll the darn thing, my eyes fell on Gary.
He was basking in the morning sun, leaves a vibrant green, practically radiating good health and positive energy. And me? Well, let’s just say I felt the judgment radiating off him like it was photosynthesis. Needless to say, I swapped my yoga pants for sweatpants and settled in for a Netflix marathon. Some battles are just not worth fighting.