The Unspoken Rules of Being a Plant Parent (and Why I Break Them All)

Confessions of a Rebellious Plant Parent

Let’s be honest, folks. The plant community, as wholesome as it seems, has its fair share of unspoken rules. You know, those little bits of plant-care dogma passed down through generations of green thumbs? Like the sacred ritual of bottom watering or the unwavering belief that east-facing windows hold the secrets to eternal plant life. Well, I’m here to confess: I’m a rule breaker. A plant-care rebel. And frankly, my leafy companions are thriving in my chaos.

plant. Lies, I tell you! My journey into plant parenthood began with a cheerful little succulent named Simon. He was supposed to be my gateway plant, my confidence booster. Instead, Simon became a cautionary tale, a withered husk reminding me that even the hardiest desert dwellers have their limits.

Turns out, the “unwritten rule” of succulent care is a delicate dance of neglect and microscopic watering. One drop too many and you’re staring down root rot. Forget for a week? You’re left with a shriveled prune. Simon, bless his dusty soul, taught me that even “easy” plants deserve respect (and maybe a moisture meter).

The Great Fertilizer Fiasco: Embracing Imperfect Plant Parenting

Another cardinal rule of plant parenting? Thou shalt fertilize with unwavering consistency. My journey into the world of plant food was, to put it mildly, a rollercoaster. I started with a strict schedule, diligently measuring out drops like a chemist concocting a magic potion.

Then life happened. I forgot. I overcompensated. I even, in a moment of sheer panic, used coffee grounds (don’t ask). And you know what? My plants, for the most part, shrugged it all off. They might not have won any beauty contests, but they were alive. And growing. Maybe a little wonky, but alive nonetheless.