The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (And the People Who Break Them)

We all know the feeling of being trapped in an elevator with someone who seems to have missed the memo on basic etiquette. Let’s explore (and laugh about) the unspoken rules of elevator riding.

My Personal Elevator Nightmare

The other day, I found myself crammed into an overcrowded elevator, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with the stranger whose backpack was intimately acquainted with my face. As I inched closer to my floor, the doors opened to reveal another soul eager to join our metal box of awkwardness. And that’s when it happened. The person closest to the buttons decided they were suddenly incapable of pressing “Open Door” for the poor soul trying to get on.

My friends, that’s when I realized something had to be done. We, the enlightened citizens of the world, need to discuss the often-overlooked, rarely-discussed, yet universally understood rules of elevator etiquette.

The Art of the Silent Agreement

Elevators are a social experiment disguised as a mode of transportation. We enter as strangers, united only by our desire to reach another floor. This shared experience comes with a set of unwritten rules that govern our behavior. It’s a silent agreement, a social contract if you will, that keeps the peace in these metal boxes of judgment. For example:

• Thou shalt not speak on the phone. Seriously, nobody wants to hear your conversation about last night’s disastrous date or your detailed analysis of quarterly earnings. We’re all just trying to survive the ride in relative silence.
• Thou shalt maintain a respectful bubble. Personal space is precious, especially in the confines of an elevator. Respect the bubble! Don’t stand too close, don’t make unnecessary eye contact, and for the love of all that is holy, keep your funky smells to yourself.
• Thou shalt be the designated button pusher. If you are standing near the control panel, you are automatically appointed the Minister of Floor Selection. Embrace your destiny. Press the buttons with confidence and grace, even if it’s for that one person who always seems to get on at the last second.

When Good Etiquette Goes Bad

Of course, there are always those who seem blissfully unaware of these unspoken rules. They waltz into our carefully orchestrated symphony of silence and proceed to unleash chaos.

We’ve all encountered them:

1. The Chatty Cathy: Immune to the concept of “indoor voice,” they treat the elevator like their personal stage. Their booming laughter and animated storytelling leave the rest of us cringing in the corner.
2. The Backpack Bandit: Oblivious to the lethal weapon strapped to their back, they swing and sway with reckless abandon, taking out innocent bystanders with each turn.
3. The Elevator DJ: They blast music from their phone speakers, subjecting everyone to their questionable taste in tunes. Earbuds, people! They’re a thing!

So, Tell Me…

What are your biggest elevator pet peeves? Share your hilarious (or horrifying) elevator encounters in the comments below! Let’s commiserate and laugh together.