We’ve all heard the siren song of productivity gurus: “Wake up at 5 am! Conquer your day before breakfast!” They make it sound so easy, so… invigorating. I, a devoted member of the Night Owl Society, decided to heed their call. This is my cautionary tale.
The Pre-Dawn Pact: Why I Should Have Known Better
My alarm clock has always been more of a suggestion box. 7:00 am? Maybe 7:15. Okay, fine, 7:30. But the internet promised me a world of possibilities if I could just drag myself out of bed before the sun.
Armed with a new sunrise alarm clock and a fridge full of green smoothies (because, health!), I set my sights on becoming one of those people. You know the ones: chipper greetings, perfectly pressed clothes, already halfway through their to-do list before their first cup of coffee.
My attempts at morning yoga were less “downward dog” and more “passed out on yoga mat.” As for that to-do list? I stared at it blankly for a good hour, convinced the words were written in some ancient, undecipherable language.
By Friday, I looked like an extra from a zombie movie. My coworkers were concerned. My cat was concerned. Even the barista at my usual coffee shop (who, bless his soul, had started making my order extra strong) seemed concerned.
The Great Sleep-In Rebellion of Week 2
Something had to give. My body, rebelling against this cruel and unusual punishment, decided to stage a coup. I slept through every single alarm. Sunrise alarm clock? More like sunrise snooze button.
One morning, I woke up with my phone in the refrigerator. I vaguely remember trying to call in sick to work using a banana as a phone (don’t ask). Let’s just say it wasn’t my finest moment.