We’ve all been there. Scrolling through Instagram at 10 p.m., you stumble upon a photo of some impossibly chipper individual greeting the sunrise with a yoga pose and a green smoothie. The caption reads: “Another beautiful morning! #blessed #grateful #morningroutine”.
And for a fleeting moment, you think, “Maybe… just maybe… I could be that person.”
The Pact with the Rising Sun (and Why It Failed)
My own descent into morning-person-wannabe-land started innocently enough. I was tired of hitting the snooze button five times only to drag myself out of bed, grumpy and caffeine-deprived. I envisioned a world where I, too, could bounce out of bed at the crack of dawn, brimming with energy and ready to conquer the day.
So, armed with a brand-new alarm clock (one that didn’t have a snooze button, obviously) and a fridge stocked with enough kale to make a small forest, I embarked on my journey.
Let’s just say that my first attempt at 5 a.m. yoga was less “sun salutation” and more “stumbling around in the dark.” My downward dog resembled a melting candle, and I’m fairly certain I woke up the neighbors with my less-than-graceful attempts at a warrior pose.
The only witness to my struggle was a very unimpressed-looking pigeon perched on my balcony, who seemed to be judging my every move.
To add insult to injury, I may have tripped over the coffee table in my post-yoga haze, resulting in a bruised shin and a newfound appreciation for the benefits of staying in bed.
Green Smoothies: Expectation vs. Reality
Next on the agenda was the infamous green smoothie. Now, I’m all for healthy eating, but the concoction I whipped up that morning tasted like a lawnmower had gone rogue in a vegetable patch.
I choked it down with the grim determination of a warrior facing battle, but I’m pretty sure my face turned a similar shade of green.
The rest of my “morning routine” went about as well. My attempt at mindful meditation was interrupted by the insistent chirping of a particularly persistent bird outside my window (I swear it was the same judgmental pigeon from earlier). My journaling session consisted of a single sentence: “Note to self: Sleep is good.”