The 5 AM Alarm Clock Debacle
Let me preface this tale of attempted self-improvement by stating, for the record, that I am not a morning person. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m powered by moonlight and procrastination. So, when my relentlessly cheerful coworker, Sarah, told me about the life-changing magic of waking up at 5 am, I should have known better.
But, oh no, not me. I, armed with the unyielding optimism that only comes with a good night’s sleep (at 2 am), decided to become a morning person. I envisioned myself jogging in the crisp dawn air, green smoothie in hand, radiating productivity before the sun even thought about rising.
Spoiler alert: It didn’t quite go as planned.
The rest of the morning was a blur of stumbling around my apartment, trying to remember how to operate a coffee machine, and blending what can only be described as a “green smoothie abomination.” Let’s just say, spinach and bananas do not a happy marriage make.
The Great Pre-Dawn Meltdown (and Other Misadventures)
The next few days followed a similar pattern:
- Alarm clock torture
- Existential dread in the shower
- Questionable food choices
By day four, I was running on fumes and an alarming amount of caffeine. My usual sunny disposition had been replaced by the thousand-yard stare of someone who had witnessed unspeakable horrors (or at least attempted to decipher tax forms before noon).
The final straw came when I, in a sleep-deprived haze, accidentally put my phone in the refrigerator instead of the milk. That’s when I knew, with absolute certainty, that I was not cut out for this whole “morning person” thing.