My Personal Elevator Everest
Let’s be honest, folks. Elevators are weird. We cram ourselves into these metal boxes with complete strangers and then…nothing. Silence. It’s like we collectively decided that acknowledging each other’s existence in this confined space would be a social faux pas of epic proportions.
Take, for instance, my trip to the 17th floor last Tuesday. I’m talking peak rush hour, elevator jam-packed like a clown car at the circus. I’m sandwiched between a guy furiously typing on his phone (because apparently, the world will end if he doesn’t answer that email in the next 37 seconds) and a woman who seems to be having a staring contest with the elevator buttons.
Reader, you would have thought I’d suggested we initiate a game of naked Twister. The looks I got could have curdled milk. But here’s the thing – the silence was broken. People actually chuckled. It was a Christmas miracle!
Thou Shalt Not Speak (Unless It’s About the Weather)
This brings me to Unspoken Rule #1: Thou shalt not speak in the elevator, unless it’s to comment on the weather or complain about the traffic. Look, I get it. We’re not trying to make new best friends on our way to buy discounted socks at the department store. But can’t we at least acknowledge each other’s humanity with a simple “good morning” or a friendly nod?
I, for one, refuse to abide by this rule. I chat. I tell jokes (bad ones, mostly). I compliment people’s shoes. And you know what? The world hasn’t ended yet. In fact, I’ve actually had some surprisingly delightful conversations in those metal boxes of awkwardness.
The Great Elevator Button Debate
Unspoken Rule #2: Thou shalt not stand anywhere near the elevator buttons unless thou art pressing one. This rule, my friends, is just plain illogical. We’ve all been there – stuck in the back, desperately trying to contort our arm into some ungodly position to reach the button panel.
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