My Descent into Plant Parenthood (and Mild Panics)
It all started innocently enough. A cute little succulent on clearance, practically begging me to give it a good home. “How hard could it be?” I thought, naively optimistic. Fast forward to three weeks later, and I was frantically Googling “Why is my succulent turning black?” Spoiler alert: I was definitely not a natural.
Turns out, there’s a whole secret society of plant parents out there, and they communicate through knowing nods and hushed whispers of “nitrogen deficiency.” After months of trial and error (mostly error), I’ve started to decipher the unspoken rules of plant parenthood. So, fellow green thumbs (or, let’s be honest, aspiring green thumbs), buckle up.
Rule #1: Thou Shalt Talk to Thy Plants (Yes, Really!)
Look, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Remember that time you swore your Monstera grew two inches after you blasted it with Lizzo? Coincidence? I think not. Whether it’s the carbon dioxide or just good vibes, plants seem to respond to a little chat.
Now, I’m not saying you need to deliver Shakespearean monologues to your ferns (although, they wouldn’t judge). A simple “Good morning, sunshine!” or a heartfelt “Please don’t die on me, Philodendron” works wonders.
